It has been exactly one month since I’ve written. Where to start? Hmmm…
The day of happy tears
May 10th was the craziest, happiest day ever. My amazing best friend, Stephanie, delivered a beautiful baby boy. Then she handed him over to his intended parents. Stephanie started the surrogacy process about a year and a half ago–and it is finally complete!
Steph let me be in the room during delivery…WOW. Just wow. So spiritual. I was crying happy tears even before the intended parents came in to hug and profusely thank Stephanie. There was not a dry eye in the room. Watching the intended parents hold the baby they’ve wished for for 5 years was just awesome. Words can’t describe their joy and happiness and relief and thankfulness.
If that weren’t enough, The Great Gatsby finally came out on May 10th! I had been impatiently waiting for it for over 4 months. And my anticipation was justified…I’ve already seen it 4 times in theaters! So so good! I love F. Scott Fitzgerald and seeing his work brought to life made me cry happy tears.
If that weren’t enough, May 10th was also my last Shabbat. Because I am leaving Hillel, we had a special Shabbat dinner to reminisce and say good-bye. Hearing everything that everyone had to say was tear-jerking, and I definitely cried some happy ones (and sad too).
I am leaving Hillel
That’s right, I’m leaving the place I’ve called home for the past two years of my life. Why? So many different reasons. Some include wanting to focus on my writing career, wanting to move to Santa Cruz, and feeling ready to move on.
I’m sad but I’m also so so excited. It’s time. And the next three months of my life are going to be one big adventure. I am so ready.
Barely Any Sex in the City
Three of my five subjects have settled down. And the other two are not dating currently. Hiatus?
The direction of this blog is a’changing too
I started this blog during a time in my life where I felt completely lost. And confused.
Now, despite the fact that I’m leaving my job and really have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing come August, I feel whole.
Why is this? I’m not quite sure. But here are some theories:
What I had before wasn’t enough. I really wanted more than a career and good relationships with friends and family. I wanted a home. I wanted a dog. And I really, really wanted a loving relationship.
I created a home. I rescued a dog. I dated a lot, and eventually came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t the right time for a relationship. Acceptance facilitates happiness, I think
I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to. I am crazy about my friends, but I wasn’t spending time with them. I had all of these little ideas, but had no time to execute them. I wanted to explore the bay area, but it never worked out. Where was my time going? I was working extra hours at Hillel and had a weekend teaching job to make ends meet. I was gardening (which is something I love but not something I love doing alone). I was training and fundraising for a half marathon (one of the most stressful periods of my life). Plus, I was housesitting all the time. I was spending copious amounts of time at other people’s homes, taking care of their lives.
Now I see my friends. all. of. the. time. I’ve been doing art projects and such. I’ve been driving around everywhere and seeing new places. It rocks my socks. Hell yeah. I want to do these things, then I do them, and then I’m happy.
Why did I make it so complicated before? Guilt?
I no longer feel bad. I am who I am. I can try to change myself all I want, but it will never work. I’m contemplative. I’m shy. I wink at people. I narrate my chores. I like to poke and tickle people and receive joy when I cause annoyance. I create melodramas because I’m so neurotic. Whatever. That’s just who I am. Deal with it. I deal with who you are.
I can leave this blog because I am no longer searching for the missing piece
I can keep this blog because I like writing in it. Plus, I have a loyal following. I used to get 25 readers a week, now I get hundreds. I can’t just leave y’all hanging, can I?